Great Saturday so far :)

It's sunny out today which always seems to lift my mood!

I had a great talk with my mom this morning about how she treated me and food when I was growing up. I think she did the best that she knew how to do, but I think that how I was raised has a lot to do with my ED now.

I think one of the most important things with recovery is facing these issues. A lot of times, EDs are the result of internalizing emotions, problems, etc. When you face them head on and work towards solving them, healing begins to happen. You just have to be brave enough to face your fears those emotions and relationships. Once that happens though, life looks so much better.

So my new goal is if I have anxiety, anger, frustration, is to not let it simmer by internalizing it but facing it head on. To figure out why something went wrong and work towards overcoming it. :)

Neglected.

I have been neglecting this poor blog.

Recently, I feel like I have been relying a lot on food. I look for food when I am bored. I am usually not satisfied after I eat. I feel bad for needing to eat. Shouldn't we all just be fine with no calories? My mind has not been with it when it comes to recovery.

This has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't been mediating at all lately (hmmmm, see a trend?) and I haven't been recording my food for my dietician. These things are there to help me stay in recovery and to keep me accountable when I am on my own. I neeeeeeed to continue with them!! (This is me telling myself to do that)

I have also been struggling with being social. I get anxious if I have commitments with people because all I want to do is stay in my pajamas and sleep. I need to talk with my counselor about this because I feel like it could be my depression poking its head out.

I feel guilty when I don't do things with people. I feel like if I did more things with people than I wouldn't be as tempted to engage in ED behavior. And then I end up canceling, which makes me feel more guilty. Its just a big guilt trap and I am sick of it.

This post is everywhere, but thats kind of where I feel like my mind is right now.