Recently, I feel like I have been relying a lot on food. I look for food when I am bored. I am usually not satisfied after I eat. I feel bad for needing to eat. Shouldn't we all just be fine with no calories? My mind has not been with it when it comes to recovery.
This has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't been mediating at all lately (hmmmm, see a trend?) and I haven't been recording my food for my dietician. These things are there to help me stay in recovery and to keep me accountable when I am on my own. I neeeeeeed to continue with them!! (This is me telling myself to do that)
I have also been struggling with being social. I get anxious if I have commitments with people because all I want to do is stay in my pajamas and sleep. I need to talk with my counselor about this because I feel like it could be my depression poking its head out.
I feel guilty when I don't do things with people. I feel like if I did more things with people than I wouldn't be as tempted to engage in ED behavior. And then I end up canceling, which makes me feel more guilty. Its just a big guilt trap and I am sick of it.
This post is everywhere, but thats kind of where I feel like my mind is right now.
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